Breakdown

Today Grayson had his first true meltdown and I had a breakdown.  We went to orientation at daycare and I would not let him have my pen.  Grayson started crying and after 15 minutes I left.  He had a clean diaper and had just ate.  Nothing would stop the crying.  When I put him in his car-seat it got worse  I went the long way hoe thinking the drive would settle him down but it didn't.  Not even the breeze from the windows being down helped.  To make matters worse, today is a beautiful day and we were going to go to the park after orientation.  Needless to say we didn't make it.  When we got home I took his shoes and pants off and started rocking him.  After 30 minutes of rocking he stopped crying and went to sleep.

That's when I broke down.  I knew this year would be hard.  Raising a child by yourself is not enjoyable.  There is no one to take over when you are exhausted.   I know there are people out there who can do it and want to do it.  I am not one of them.  I want Gabe back.  We both need him.  Your prayers are welcome. 

After the nap, Grayson woke up happy and hungry!  Too bad he doesn't eat anything anymore.  I swear I don't know how he is gaining any weight.  Yogurt and refried beans are about the only foods he will eat.  If we go to a restaurant, he might eat mashed potatoes.  Maybe.  If milk had iron in it we would be good!  He doesn't even like spaghetti!!!  Plus he is too busy feeding the dog to eat.  Maybe I should give the food to Buddy ad see if he wants it then.  I bet he would!

Sorry to sound so negative today  It's been a long one already.  Tomorrow should be better  Grayson and I are going to a class called Babes in the Woodland.  We get to go hear stories and songs and take a little hike at the old dairy farm called Creamer's Field.  I can't wait.  Really hope it's as beautiful tomorrow as it is today.

Hope you all have a good weekend!