Sadness

Wow.  That's all I can say.  I know the Lord only gives us as much as we can handle but I feel like he is piling it on.  In October my Grandfather died.  In December Buster died.  Now my Grandmother died.  I keep telling myself at least she is not suffering.  That makes it a little better but I am tired of death.  so much these past few months and my mind can't help but go to that dark place when I think about Gabe leaving.  I need prayers. 

I am in good spirits despite what has happened.  I feel like I need to be for Grayson.  I think his mood matches my mood and I don't want him to feel sad.  I'm so thankful we got to go home in October and Christmas.  I got some really good pictures of Grayson with Grandmother.  At least he got to meet her and will be able to see how much she loved him.  He has one more guardian angle watching over him.  That makes me smile.

I'll write later about this past weekend.  We went dog sledding!  Until then, have a good day.

-45 Really!!

Two days in a row and the third day this week we are stuck inside.  It's just too cold to get Grayson out in this weather.  Yesterday it was -45 on the thermometer outside my kitchen window.  I don't know how people could live here for all their life.  I'm gonna barely make three years.  This winter is so much colder than last year.  I don't remember it being this cold.  I have gotten a little used to it because I haven't worn long underwear yet.  Maybe that's because I don't go outside that much.  when I go get firewood I wear my snow bids and two jackets.  I also wear two face masks, so only my eyes are exposed.  It's still COLD!!!  By Sunday it's supposed to be above ZERO!  I can't wait.

I haven't been to the grocery store in a week.  I'm running low on food.  I just don't want to take Grayson out in this cold.  Maybe Sunday.  Hopefully I can get someone to watch Grayson tomorrow and go do my errands.  We will see. 

I registered Grayson on post for daycare and I signed us up for sing language classes.  I'm thinking about subbing a few days a week to stay busy while Gabe is gone.  Plus, I think Grayson could use the socialization.  He still won't take a bottle so we are working on a real cup and a sippy cup.  He is doing ok with those, it just takes him a while to drink it and it is messy!  He really loves solids.  I'm so happy.  It gives me a break and someone else can feed him while I eat a warm meal.  I forgot how much better food is when it is warm.  The simple things you miss when you have a baby.   I wouldn't trade it for anything though.  We really have been blessed with Grayson.  He is incredable.  I'm looking at him empty his basket of toys.  He ignores them and unties the bow that holds the liner in the basket and then sucks on the string.  That's why we haven't bought a lot of toys for him.  He really wants what we have.  He really likes his books though.  His Aunt Cuckoo and Uncle Andrew got him indestuctible books that are awesome.  He can't tear the pages or ruin them with his slobber and you can put them in the washer.  At least we did after he dropped one on the floor of the airport.  Click here if you want to see what they look like.  Great gifts for Moms!

Buddy and I are getting back on the treadmill.  Buddy gets off after 10 minutes or so and then is ready for his treat.  I really need to get him to walk longer.  Haven't figured out how to do it though.  Buddy is a little stubborn.  I can't wait til it warms up and i can go for walks with him outside!  I think we both are getting cabin fever. 

That's one thing we don't like about Alaska.  We are outdoorsy people, just not cold outdoorsy people.  If we could take Grayson and Buddy outside during the winter we would love living here.  It's just too cold for our family.  I hate wishing time away but I can't wait until we move to Arizona!  Warm weather and the Grand Canyon!  Camping by a lake where you can actually swim in it!  No grizzlies or moose!  Grayson can go camping!  Until then we will try and find things we can do here that we enjoy.

Here are some pictures of the last hike we took with Buster.  What's strange is I didn't take any pictures of him.  Very unusual.  Got some good ones of Buddy.

Have a good week.

Good day!

It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for a person.  I went to bed at 11:00 and only got up once with Grayson!  I woke up for good at 7 and actually got some work done, even if I was still in bed.  It felt great.  I slept in my bed cuddled with Buddy listening to the fire crackle in the wood stove.  It was awesome!  the little things mean a lot to me nowadays. 

I'm trying to get Grayson on a pretty regular schedule so the days when Gabe is not here, we will be alright.  Yes.  I have made the decision to stay in Alaska.  I know it's going to be hard but this is my home now.  This is where Grayson was born.  I am happy with my decision and I know it is the right one. 

I do believe I will have to adopt a big dog sometime soon so I won't be so scared walking through the woods up here.  Buster was the best walking/running partner.  Buddy just can't go outside and walk more than a few minutes when its below zero, he is just too old.  We did walk on the treadmill today and he decided ten minutes was enough.  He got off and went and sat by the fridge begging for a treat.  buddy is starting to get fat again but when he gives me the sad, please feed me eyes I give in and give him a treat.  I can't wait til it warms up so we all can go for walks.

The cold doesn't really bother me this year.  What does though is the no daylight.  Unless you experience it you have no idea how hard it is to get out of bed and get going in the morning.  When I got up today at 7 there was no sun and it didn't come up for almost two hours.  It is 3:19 right now and I can see red and orange on the horizon.  I know the sun is setting and I'm a little sad.  I do know though we are gaining daylight every day! YAY!  Happy Dance!

I'm really excited to register for sign language classes and swim classes with Grayson.  Gabe even gets to go to the swim classes with us.  It's going to be fun. However, I am not looking forward to be in a bathing suit.  I haven't seen the sun in a year and a half and I  know I am going to blind people with my whiteness!  Maybe I will start get a spray on before classes start.

I did upload pictures on my computer but haven't reduced the size of them.  That will happen tomorrow. 

Hope you all are having a wonderful week!  More tomorrow.

Decisions Decisions

This is the year of big decisions.  Do I stay or do I go?  Do I really want to spend an Alaska winter by myself?  I've done one year in North Carolina by myself and it was hard.  I worked full time and went to school.  I kept myself busy.  I don't know if I will work this year or if I want to work here in Alaska.  What is there to do here in Fairbanks for Grayson?  Do I want to keep him inside for half the year?  Gabe and I are such outdoorsy people and we want Grayson to enjoy the outdoors too.  Alaska offers so much to do outside but only for older people.  Grayson cant go on hikes when it is below zero.  Buddy cant go out either and I am too much of a scaredy(I don't know if this is even a real word) pants to walk in the woods of Alaska by myself.  What to do?  I guess I will pray and talk to family and friends and make my decision then. 

I have also made the decision to be more positive this year.  Having Grayson so far from family and being in the cold and dark winter have made me a little depressed so I have decided to concentrate on just the positives.  I am a healthy woman with a healthy happy baby boy and a little dog who loves me.  I am married to The greatest man on earth and am surrounded by great friends and have a wonderful family back in Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas and Oklahoma.  Life is good right now. 

Grayson and I register for swimming classes this afternoon.  I am really excited about that.  We will go two days a week all of February and half of March.  Gabe is taking a week off in March and will be able to go to a couple of classes.  Wohoo!!  i don't think Gabe and Grayson can spend too much time together right now.  I really hope Grayson likes the water as much as we do.  We will see. 

I have to go now.  I think Grayson is ready to take a nap.

I hope y'all have a good, make that GREAT, weekend!

2010 in review

Before I can talk about the new year I have to reflect on last year.  2010 was an amazing journey, until December 26th.  I became a mother in June and said good by to a dear friend in December.  Let's start with becoming a mother.

Grayson has been the most wonderful blessing I have ever received.  He is amazing.  I have learned how stubborn I really am and how much I enjoy six hours of uninterrupted sleep. I found out how strong I can be and how selfish I am when it comes to spending time with my family.  I have learned how to change a diaper in my lap and how much I crave Grayson smiles.  The responsibility of being a mother is astonishing.   I never knew how hard or how important it would be.  Sometimes I just stare at him and cry because I love him so much.  My heart feels like it is going to explode because their is so much love in it for my whole family (dog and husband included).  I cannot wait to see him grow this year.  This journey keeps getting better and better.

Notice I said dog and husband.  December 26th Buster was run over.  We were sledding and he ran out in the road and before we could call him back he was hit by a car.  We are pretty sure the person was drunk or high because they kept on driving with their Bumper hanging off and sparks flying.  They never hit the breaks or swerved to try and keep from hitting him.  I honestly felt and still feel like I lost a family member.  He was Gabe's dog but my protector.  Now that he isn't here I sit up at night and here every sound waiting on him to start barking.  Every day gets better but there is a hole in my family.  Buddy is sad too.  He walks around the house looking for him. I never really understood how much you could love a dog until I lost Buster.  He will never be replaced.  I love you Buster.

Tomorrow I will talk about the new year and the changes I will be making.  I don't want to call them resolutions because I don't think I will keep them if that's what they are. 

Hope y'all have a good day!